Connecticut Patent of the Day: Damn Squirrels!

“Damn Squirrels!” Those words were muttered more than a few times yesterday. Actually much more colorful language was used, which can’t be repeated here. Though I do recall yelling ” I hope your mouth is on fire you son of a *#*&$!” (Wonder what my neighbors were thinking?)  Why such anger and hostility towards a little rodent that I usually find rather cute and entertaining? One word: Pumpkins.

Yesterday was the day my family and I went down the road to the local farmer to get pumpkins for decorating the house. (And as it turns out feeding the squirrels.) This is done every year and every year I have learned to coat the pumpkins with spray on shellac to keep critters away. It usually works for at least a few weeks. Not this time…….Within a 1/2 hour there was Mr. Squirrel with his head buried deep inside one of the pumpkins, fillin his little belly with pumpkin seeds…… cute….

My rage took about 3 seconds to boil over. My wife, equally enraged, assisted me in conjuring up a solution to spray on the pumpkins. The recipe? One part Lysol cleaner, one part water and one part Sriracha Hot Sauce. (Which I love and treat like liquid gold. So to waste it on a rodent really burns my arse.) I even dumped some of this stuff in the half eaten pumpkin…….Did it work? Yea. For like 3 minutes until Mr. Squirrel figured, “hmmm, those pumpkin seeds are might tasty with a bit of hot sauce on em…….”

Next came out the Chili powder, generously sprinkled all over the pumpkins. All this seemed to work on the uneaten pumpkins. The half eaten one? Heck no, it was an open buffet, even with straight hot sauce squeezed right in……All I know is if I ate that much of the sauce I would have one heck of windy night if you catch my drift…….

What’s next? Slingshot, BB gun, large cat allowed to roam outside? Maybe all of the above….In the meantime If I get my hands on the rodent I wouldn’t mind seeing him in a real life version of this Connecticut invention from 1896:

Whiting Jerome Wilcox, Cornwall CT, 1896


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